Friday, August 13, 2010
So I have begun a Dreadloc Journey
I have decided to grow dreadlocs. Before you gasp with that uninformed shock you would do well to know that dreads do not have to be smelly. Okay, now we have that out of the way let's dive.
What has possessed me to grow dreads? Well let's begin with the fact that I cover my head as a personal conviction so it's not to look cool. They are personal a personal statement and journey. I have always like dreadlocs to begin with but never had the courage to do it. I was always afraid of what would be thought of me and shouldn't a woman of the King look a certain way? I mean isn't this a little out there? Blah, Blah, Blah!! This type of inside talk has been my life! I am 34yrs. old and I have spent so much energy in worrying about being misunderstood. I am sure you have read my rants on this topic. So what does this have to do with dreads? Everything! Honestly I struggle with controlitus/fearitus/minimitus and people pleasing itus. How is that for a diagnosis. LOL
Yes, these things have plagued me and my dreads are a commitment to myself to be true to whom I am. And that may seem a little radical but thats me. I have been looking for myself I have been in search of the courage to be myself. I know who I am! I want to live who I was created to be. I have been dishonest with myself, it's amazing how we do it to ourselves. Sometimes I wonder, how do you love your neighbor when you can't even love and accept yourself? Thus being critical of others, because you are critical with yourself. It's so sad. My sis in law finished my dreads wednesday night and I can't tell you how much I love them, they have such a deep meaning to me and they are just babies.
Ready for something funny; okay so dreads are knots right? (nod yes) Okay so yesterday I was laying down and when you lay down you head rubs on your pillow or whatever. When I got up I was just doing my check and you wouldn't believe what I found? Some hair had come out of one of the dreads. I panicked busted out the crochet needle. Tried to get the hair intertwined with the dread again. In a panicked frenzy I begin to breakdown. And then I realize and do the self talk thing, I realized that this is part of the journey and the process, here I am even trying to control a knot!! LOL Can you see this, do you believe it? I can't even let something that is supposed to be naturally mess be a mess. I want a perfect mess. Thus the issues. This journey into knotty loveliness is real for me it's symbolic of where I am at. I accept who Abba has created me to be.
I don't want to minimize or discredit the "being" that I am. I don't want to fit in or look like others. I don't want to not fit in or not look like others. I want to be who he has created me. This has been a long battle. And I continue to take steps in a forward direction. I am putting my stock in the Almighty because what he makes is GOOD. He didn't make a mistake and he doesn't want clones.
So here I am this pic is a dreadloc from the top of my head, and it is lovely to me. This season is tearfully beautiful for me as I come into my own. For the first time in my life my outside matches my inside. Quirky? Maybe whatever as long as I know who I am and knowing who I am and who's my source I am powerful and empowered. And I do not need to minimize myself so that another can feel secure or strong. Now as with all things I may be misunderstood and that is okay I am sorry people don't take the time to get to know me. I may be judged and or criticized, that's okay too. I just may become the person whom some groups may steer clear of because I don't wear the uniform or speak the jargon. That's okay! I am whom he created me to be, I am honest and telling the truth. It's crazy because it doesn't matter how you dress or if you speak in hushed tones, a critical spirit is critical and a judgmental person always judging. And in the name of holiness and honoring G-d some horrid things have been said and people treated and shunned in the name of holiness.
But anyhoo under these struggles I made this decision. I look forward to the journey, at time it is going to be hard and itchy. (Like right now) Somedays are going to be glorious and other crazy. But I'm sticking with it.
I will post ever so often about my dreadloc journey.
What have you been putting off because your worried about what people will think of YOU?
What does Abba think of YOU? If he is for you, then why are we fearful of "Man"?
I dare you to share!! Or you could keep in the closet but that doesn't change that it is there, who are you fooling? Only yourself.