I wanted to write this morning but found myself struggling to get clear. But a couple of deep breathes and some silence definitely help to clear the way.
The title of this post really speaks to me. As a person in transition for a couple of years now, more often than not I have been in the heat of the battle so to speak. Trying to understand and make sense out of where G-d is taking me and my life. Funny that one would try to understand something that requires utter trust. When you are in transition the waters are often muddied and it can be soul wrenching to see clearly. But that too shall pass.
Transition is a healthy process we must go through in order to grow it's like that awkward stage your kids go through. Voices are changing hormones are raging and other little things. They are awkward at that time and vulnerable. So are we, My Grace and Space title attest to what is needed in life. More often than not we are either rushing, pushing, demanding and expecting of ourselves and others alot.
But Grace and Space are needed as sojourners and it is a gift we give each other. But the essence I want to hit here is about stepping back in these seasons allowing a time of evaluation and reflection. We often push and rush, we don't take the time to ponder and process. This is something I am learning right now to ponder and to process events in my life. Not reading it so quickly, but really taking the time to process. Often enough when we do this the waters are not so muddied and we can see the truth of things. In this space we can truly let go of things that we need to. Embrace new places and spaces.
I am sitting here at my desk staring out my window to a lush green outside. The sounds of nature are loud and I am grateful for this day and all Abba has. This last month has been tough for me and alot of things have been going on in the home front and personally.
Funny enough even though there has been heartbreak, exhaustion and down right annoying stuff, growth has been simultaneously happening. I have finally got my dreads in, I have a room of my own, albeit with scooby do decor but who cares it has a door. I am determined and purposed to get busy on what the Father has put in me. I am making commitments in that direction.
The more I relinquish control and trust my Abba the more I am able to trust his voice in me. This is an interesting thing because I have let so many people in this space, their ideas, their opinions and their issues. Now this is fully my responsibility and equally my own immaturity and once again I do not judge that in myself. I understand better who I am today. I am also stronger, today. This strength is certainly from above it is my beloved's gift to me.
Friends we journey in this life and we go through seasons and stages. Truly for everything there is a season, my season is different than your season. Often enough we can feel confused because of how the waters look and the fact that right now we must do this trek alone. And that is okay. Even through the storm Abba will see us. There is no place far from him.
So I want to tell you it's okay to step back or step away. It's okay to take time to process and ponder how ever much time you need. Take the time to check the internal temperature, what you are feeling, thinking and doing. Where are you? What do you need to be doing? Praying, taking in Abba's beauty in nature, sleeping. What is it that you need to do now? even if it's nothing.
This is where I am at right this moment I am stepping back, stepping away from all the draining thoughts and situations that are not soul feeding. Sometimes we can't be objective because we are too close or because a storm just passed and the waters have not yet settled back. Often enough we push anyway, there is a time for that "pushing" and there is a time for letting go.
These past 6 years have been a great time of transition and the waters have been greatly muddied for a long time. I have held on to things I should have let go and allowed things in my inner chamber that have no business there. But this is the process, the learning, the stage. It had to be this way so that I can learn, so that I can grow. So that I would know what is good and what is his BEST for me. I had to find my voice in him again. And I have had to face my fears and move on in spite of them!
I hope this is encouraging to you, I hope you understand that you may need time and give yourself permission to rest in it. I want you to know that the muddy waters will clear and that you will see again. And with that sight comes great responsibility, and that is to be true to what you see. You can't go on any longer as if your blind because now you see. You might need to release things you have been holding onto for the wrong reasons. You might need to re-arrange your priorities and align yourself with the vision. There are many things to be done when the waters clear. But for right now, step back and step away. Let some time pass and give yourself Grace and Space.
When life moves from being a noun to a verb the phase in between is called transition and when we become verbs the nouns change. We are not ready at times but ready is not the question willing is. Transition=Muddied Waters is where we get to decide and is the why we need to pause. Now is the time where you decide whether to accept the mission/vision and all that it entails or not. It's where you let go of people,places and things. It's where the rubber meets the road. All things undergo change because G-d is changing YOU and when that is going on your relationship to everything around you must change.
Step back and Step away evaluate and ponder once the waters clear decisions need to be made and forward actions to be taken.
My love to you on this journey and my prayers too. May the Father strengthen you and make you bold. May you choose courage even afraid!!! May you let go to embrace the greater.