Friday, March 19, 2010
This morning I am taking in the silence, the sun and the gentle humming of my refrigerator. It's amazing the sounds that can be soothing. When I saw the sun this morning I smiled at the wonder of another day. I was thankful, for all the beauty. Yesterday was an interesting day I had a total sobbing. I mean I was a mess. The day before I witnessed a mother take a grown son to an auto shop to buy screws. Okay,I think the son is around 22 or 23.
All I could think to myself was, let him learn to figure it out it is part of his manhood or being an adult. It can be handicapping for a young man or woman when parents do everything for them. Or at the least things that they should be able to work through in order to gain important life skills.
This little insignificant event had reverberating impact. The next morning after it, fear set in and I was terrified. Have we done all we can to teach and prepare our children for life? Money is important but what does that matter if there is no character? What kind of man will my son be? What kind of woman will my daughter be? Don't get me wrong I know we can't do everything but we can do the best we can. My poor husband came home to a loaded wife.
All I could do was cry. At the bottom of all that was, have I been able to pass on the most important thing, to love the L-rd your G-d with all your heart and soul. In my own faulty humanity do they understand how much I love him? He is my first love and my love since my youth. He is was and has been all to me. Have I conveyed well to them that with out him I would have been lost? Do they understand that at the depth of all things are our worship to him. I mean all I do is a form of worship, of devotion. From the dishes to my art. From the inside and out. Worship! My devotion to him.
I went through my mental list of what I think is important, am I doing that? While some answers I had, some I did not. While some things I am keeping true to, some I have let go and given up. Given up, yes, in certain areas of my life exhaustion won out and I let go. Or maybe became lax? Not sure.
But yesterday my heart ached and today I am renewed by the mercies of a new day. This day shabbat comes, I will welcome her with open arms. She is our weekly anchor, she reminds us to rest, to rest in him, to be still. To have faith that He is and that he is faithful.
May the Shalom of Shabbat
Be with you and encompass you.
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