I've been thinking about a word for this year or in general, something I want to focus on and work on.
The word that stood out for me was TRUST as time goes by I see this at the core of a lot of different issues I encounter in my life. I never realized or thought about it until I realized how this word=idea was hard for me to feel.
Now before you swarm with thoughts my lack of trust does not stem from an unfounded fear but a long lived reality. I have come to value transparency because of these trust issues. If you are not who you are and aren't "REAL" well then I can't trust you. It's funny for this to be exposed now in my life. But I have realized that it really didn't matter what my mind said, my heart didn't trust. I didn't trust HaShem, people, authority and etc. And worse of all the people you love and the people that are supposed to be for you, well when they fail, What is left? And as for my King, well I have seen many lives lived in his named who made claims in his name and that fall short.
But don't be dismayed as I have matured I realize how human and frail we are. And we all truly do our best, we all do. But this understanding has not eliminated the effects of such a life. And ever so often it pops up big. Like a mountain you can't miss and fueled by fear can have an incredible affect on your nerves and life. When there is a lack of TRUST there is no safety or security or peace for that matter. And one must defend and look out for oneself!!! It's funny to say this out loud, but it is hard to identify when you are reacting to this idea. You don't see it but that is exactly what it is. You must do it because no one will!! You must make it happen!!! There is no TRUST.
I often find it saddening when I see it in others. Because now I know what it is!!!! I can see it in myself. Are there any quick fixes???? NO, how about a verse plastered over that , NO. We must work through it with the King's help!!! Day by day , issue by issue. We must pray for eyes to see it and identify when it is happening. We must be able to look and judge each situation individually and then follow suit.
This is why I chose TRUST and it is plastered inside my journal that I showed earlier. I want to grow in my trust with HaShem, I want to grow in my trust with others and MYSELF. I do realize there are people that are untrustworthy and it's their actions that speak. And so they are not safe, but those who have failed and repented and how about ourselves are we entirely clean??? This evokes in me mercy for I myself have failed and fallen, but there is hope and this year or at least the secular calender year is one of growing in trust.
Will you join me??? Will we be conscience of our trust issues and be mindful???? Will we work on trusting??? Even with the chance of failure and mistakes??? And will you work on yourself so that you are trustworthy????