Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Fascinatingly Me!!

I have been thinking lately, alot actually about womanhood and all that it entails. I have posted about being a fascinating akeret habayit and some of my thoughts on that. But I have a bone to pick, will you consider it?

Okay we as a society have created box after box. We have done it with G-d we have done it with men, woman anything you can imagine we have put it in a box. If we keep it there it is safe, reliable and steady. It kinda reminds me of tv you don't need to do much but sit. I know sometimes I enjoy just that. But in all the boxes we have trapped ourselves. There is no room to make mistakes, it gives us another reason why we don't associate with someone and etc. I mean it is endless what a box does, I mean if you live in the box you never really have to deal with much. It let's you cover your wounds, pains, and fears with actions that look like what everyone else is doing. So that makes you OKAY? Think about it, how many times haven't we heard, "I didn't know they were having problems". Why because they performed well!! They lived in the acceptable box.
what is my point? I find that as we set out with, the what a woman should be, look like and all that jazz. Which some of it I think is on the money!!! We don't account for the fact that before that woman can submit, look like and act like, blah, blah, blah!!!
SHE NEEDS SOME HEALING FROM HER HEAVENLY FATHER! A woman who has been hurt and wounded, rejected, neglected and has not dealt with those issues in her life is a ticking time bomb with an infected wound. I don't care if you wear dresses or look submissive those are band aids and that is why issues keep on coming up. Why am I bringing this up, because with all the good intentions of those wonderful books on womanhood what we don't account for are those who just want the list. Give a list and I will check it off!!! You just gave her another to-do list, another voice in her head to judge all that she doesn't do. You, she and I we need some time before our heavenly Father. We need to let him come in and clean out all those old wounds of neglect and abuse. We don't need another to-do list we need a personal relationship. We need to be REAL with where we are at. We actually need to take a sabbatical from ideals, goal, self-improvements and etc. And receive His love and let it pour over you in who you are!!! Not all that you think you should be!!! This obsession with the box is exhausting!! Can I hear an AMEN! When I look at the scripture I mean it ain't pretty, Elijah running and wanting to die, Jeremiah talking about regretting the day he was born. I mean is it just me???? I don't want to be a contributor to handing out boxes. My desire is that you would live abundantly and love your imperfect self, imperfect husband and children. I mean c'mon have you taken into consideration how exhausting it must be for your family to live upto your box!!! How do I know this???? Umm probably the most obvious reason, living it!! Yes, I confess it is me. And I am at a place where I long for my KING, unlike most I need acceptance for me. Why, because I have been all things to all people, wait that is A.K.A a people pleaser. Now while I am not defined by my past, can I hear an AMEN. It affected me and I grew up wait did I? I was not healthy, and being the perfectionist that I have been just imagine!!! So I crossed my t's dotted my I's, you know what I am talking about. And put every possible band-aid on my self, But G-d!!!! But G-d!!!!! But G-d!!!! Knowing the deep and secret things, desires more for us. You see to love him with all your heart, soul and might you have to know you and be you. He desires your devotion!!!! For some of us that is worship, some of us that is studying the bible. I mean it looks different for everyone. If at the end of the day you have not sat before him because you haven't been able to do it the "right way". You have missed it then all you know is pointless. Because the Word is supposed to draw us close to him. I have done it all, said it all, etc. etc.etc. If at the end of the day I am not the wholer for it then of what benefit was it. NONE.

Why say this? I want to give you permission to be who he created you to BE. I am of puertorican decent, for crying out loud I have volume and speak with my hands!!! No I am not refined and delicate I am the oldest of 8, we get the job done!!! LOL I have come to the place where what I need to BE is Angelique and unique. He loves me not because of my t and I's but because he made me, I am a piece of him. While I don't knock or say anything to anyone who desires to learn about femininity and etc. Kuddos to you, that is where you are at and that is good and okay. But please before you embark on fixing yourself and making yourself and correcting yourself. Know thyself!!!!! It's like the AA the first step is admitting you have a problem!!!LOL
To give yourself more fully to G-d, husband and family you must posses yourself as a person. I hope I am saying this right. How can you give what you don't own???? Who are you???? what is your favorite color? what do you believe?? what will you not stand for???? Why??? Where you hurt and need some time to figure out why you are reactive???? G-d wants to use what you have uniquely lived, viewed and experienced , because out of that place others will be healed and encouraged.
Do you understand what I mean??? Let's say that you have the habit of treating your spouse uhhh let's see disrespectfully, you know what I mean. It's where we get the " I need to submit to him" thing. Do you realize that one of the things at the core of that is that you may not know what respect, co-operation,working it out is. And that is the truth, so what do you do? You result to disrespect because you are used to wielding that weapon. When people have self-respect then in turn they give respect. And treat others as they would like to be treated. So maybe instead of just putting a band-aid=Submit to your husband, first let's get some communication tools in your hands. Deal with some of those anger issues that may well as be stemming from fear and then you will understand where submission comes from. And you will be able to live and not band-aid yourself with H-ly coming together with your husband.

You see for me I grew up with skirts, it represented being RIGHT and not like the" world". It meant not being like a man and etc. I know some of you know exactly what I am talking about. But this is the dig, I do agree with some things and sometimes pants equally as skirts can be very immodest, it is interesting that truly immodesty is a heart issue. You know the woman who won't wear pants but surely could use some breathing room in her skirt, some of that ain't healthy!!!!! LoL our body needs breathing space!!!!! LOL Okay , anyhoo. So for me it was a big deal to wear a pair of pants, I mean a BIG DEAL and the legalism still echoes. Therefore I have given up on trying to perform!!!!! Of trying to be RIGHT and just being me, pants or skirts no judgment!!! What I do believe in is modesty. That's it. I needed healing and needed to deal with my perfectionism and idealism. It was killing me. Now I don't pretend to be done with my own process which I own, not my husband , children, religious affiliations both past and present, family etc. It is just the Father and I , he is so tender. But he wouldn't let me rest in my security and made me restless until I yielded to him. So at 33 I embrace a journey both real and raw, but it feels good to be free to be the ME He Created Me To BE.

So now Sista's if you hear what I am saying please leave me a comment I am so interested in knowing if this article blessed you and what your story is.

With great love and affection in this beautiful journey.
Grace and Space

1 comment:

  1. Yes! To try to fit the 'box' is still preoccupation with self in the exalted position. That must be relinquished, so that God can sit on the throne of your life and show you how beautiful you are to Him-the only ONE who counts!


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