This year for me I am coming to renew my vows before my King! I am glad for this time because one of the things I love the most about the Torah and it's lifestyle is that it has tangible acts to accompany it. It's not just talk, it's also walk.
And with this season comes reflective thoughts about where I am at and my home. My oaths and commitments to be an Akeret HaBayit and The King's Wise Woman. These are personal commitments and oaths. All these things are coming to my table this Shavuot there is a degree of sadness because I can see where and how I have not kept my oaths. I am grateful for teshuva and an opportunity to once again declare , yes! Whatever you say we will do! I said this 4-5 years ago when HaShem opened my eyes and answered my prayers. And now having weathered many storms both external and internal here I am again. Truths about my heart have been exposed and things I didn't know were there have been revealed. And to me this has been both painful yet I know, as it should be.
So now I come even more humbled and even more open. That whatever he says I shall do.
I have kinda set up a sort of plan for the two days,
On day one I intend to renew my vows to Torah I am going to take the time took look over and see where I have been lax and where I have grown weary and why. It's all about Torah! And my relationship with my King.
On the second day I want to address things as An Akeret HaBayit, there is much to address in that department and equally a project I will be working on the next 30 days but I will share that at the end of the project. There are many thoughts I want to share about this but not yet. I have spent my life with pleasing and living for the King. He is all I have ever known, has always been my savior and the one I have looked to for my reason to live. Purpose, Vision and intention have always stemmed from the love I have for the Lover of my soul.
These past couple of years have and I repeat been the most challenging of my life, with so many issues coming to surface and so much pain. Losing my surface for the deeper things would accurately define part of where I have been. Ahhhh, faith tested, love tested, loyalty tested. It has all been a test of the emergency broadcast system!!
Some I have failed and some I have survived to tell the story. But this I know for sure!
Abba I love you in my little human way! You are all I know and when the night falls and the silence encompasses me I know you are there.
You have been real with me and have held my hand. Even when I wasn't sure any more and my heart rebelled, your love , your truth remained consistent, you didn't take away my pain but held me through it. You didn't let go even when I didn't know that you were still there. You are not in it for the acknowledging, you were in it because you loved me. Thank you. Whatever comes though hard it may be, I know for sure at every part of the journey you have been and are with me.
Where are you this Shavuot? If you can share please do I think it encourages us all to hear the journey, the valleys as well as the mountains!!