Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Tears Streamed

Okay maybe a little premature, maybe not, but yesterday I had an unexpected cry.
I didn't expect it to happen, but it did. I took my 12yr. old son to a forensic science class at our local park. Now as a homeschooler, we mom's are usually around so we either participate or sit in the back. But this time I decided to walk my son in and do the Arroyo scope (Which means we check everyone out quickly) and I assessed all things and decided to go outside and wait in the car. Well, you might as well rip my baby from my arms because as soon as I hit outside I was balling. No, I was hysterical!!!! Really! Not that I have never done that before, but this time I consciously left the room so that he can spread a little wing and get space to handle himself. I realized that although lately I have been working on helping my kiddos spread a little wing I was doing it with my mind. You know, when you do something because you know it must be done. But my heart had not registered the message I have been sending. The one where you notice that you just held them yesterday and today they are going to be 16 and 13. Yes, young I know, plenty of time, I know. But they are my babies really, and while I begin to use restraint and help them develop the way they should go. What G-D has prepared for them, not me! They have a call and destiny all there own. I realized in the midst of this that no matter how far or close they are knit to my soul. We this little crazy family have stories and experiences that are our special treasure. I store in my heart forever. I was a young mother, an eager mother. A mother in love with I am going to do it right or at least not like my history. Oh , but Oh, much pain and learning, growing and churning. I was so eager with my ideas and eager with my philosophy and now somethings worked and somethings didn't. And while I am not done and we are in a different season I can't express enough gratitude to Abba for opening my eyes these last years were ideals have been buried and the blessings of values embraced. Where truth and authenticity come out of from behind fear. What an adventure , what a blessing. What an incredible feeling where everyone has Grace and Space to grow. No, things are not like they used to be, no. Things are as G-D intended for the Arroyo family. And in it we make mistakes and don't boast about having it figured out. But extend Grace and Space to all because we know how to take it ourselves.

So I wanted to share my tears as I know some of you are ahead and children grown, some children small and other in between. I find comfort in that G-D has been so faithful if you ask he will show, if you cry he will send comforters and if you let go He will take you for the adventure of your life.

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  1. It is good for the kids to know they can participate in things alone.

    I had to come by because you have the same name as one of my daughters 'Angelique.'

    Renee xoxo

  2. I have definitely felt the same way many times. Having three boys I know and understand that I have to "let them go" to do things like chop down trees, mow the lawn, work on the car and other stuff that could very well cause them to get hurt. But... I know if I don't let go they will never truly learn. Knowing it is easy. Letting go with your heart and complete trust in Him is hard.

    I understand, my friend. I understand.


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