I don't know if I mentioned the fact that I have been reading the Artist Way by Julia Cameron. Anyone that knows about it understands the importance of your morning pages and artist date. For a week I have been doing my morning pages and can't begin to tell you how much it has blessed me. But this sunday early in the day I decided I was going to do my artist date. Oh boy, little did I know. I want to tell you the story with pictures and some words so I hope that in some way it will bless and encourage you. ;)
So I started my journey at Barnes & Nobles, but found it too crowded. At this point it is rainy and I am not sure what to do. All the while all my insides are full of doubt and little voices telling me I should be home and what an ridiculous idea of an artist date! HA! But I trucked on and decided to go to the park, maybe there I will feel better surrounded by nature and beauty. So what if it rained I am not allergic to water.
So I choose a bench and can't believe how uncomfortable I was, my mind flooded with thoughts of " what am I supposed to do alone"? I mean this is not right a wife and mom out here in the park. I looked at the fountain and realized the beauty right before me, soak it in girl!!! Nurture yourself. I can't believe that I feel as if I don't deserve this, like I am committing a crime! How could I have done this to myself? How could I have let myself go soo long with out taking care of myself? I cried sitting in the bench. Then called my husband to see if he would confirm my thoughts, but I knew this was wrong. When I caught myself afraid to face myself I said "I need to go".
Then right next to me I heard the laughing duck. No, really he was laughing hysterically!!! I wasn't sure if it was at me or he thought I was a joke. All I could do was crack up. This is him!!! Just in case you ever come across him. Be Aware!! LOL So at this point I realized that my sister in love called. I turned my phone off so as to not be disturbed, but at this point I was desperate!!! And so I returned the call and agreed to meet at the park and then head to walmart afterward which is what she had called me for. Yes, I broke major Artist date rule's, but thank goodness I am not as I used to be and gave myself grace and space.
So as I waited I realized I was surrounded by fall, a time to let go, a time of introspection. A time when you have got to get to the bones or roots. It is a season you must face and can't run from. Seeing these leaves in the water by the edge reminds me of myself afraid to let the wind take me. So maybe the edge of a man made lake will be safe!! We all know the answer to that. This work I must do and do it alone with G-d's help. No one can go this road with me. The well is dry and must be filled. Truths must be faced and all having to do with myself.
continue to part 2.
These post have also been submitted to Michelle Ward's Street team crusade no.33