Good Morning it is 6:51am and I haven't slept due to a sinus headache. It has been one of those nights. But at this early in the morning for me at least I want to share something with you.
I have been thinking lately about seeds or better yet what has been planted deep inside of me and therefore you also. There are seeds that have been planted long ago not by society , not by parents, culture or any other source externally you can think of. These are things Abba has placed inside, some are known some are unknown. They are the type of things that keep coming up inside despite your conscious and unconscious efforts to suppress or ignore them. As with many things life happens, marriage, children and the different seasons that seem to also hold different energy levels. All these beautiful things come about and the seeds go underground for a time. Not dead so to speak, but dormant. And so spring comes when the sun begins to warm the ground and something deep inside begins to stir.
Most often when there is a stirring we have a tendency to think something is wrong. A restlessness comes upon us and in that restlessness we begin a sort of searching. And that is where it begins. If you allow it! Sometimes because we may have control issues we push away and lay on a heavier dose of scheduling or something that will give you security so that we don't have to deal with that feeling deep in the gut. We are people who like to have answers and purpose. And letting go is hard to do.
Do you know what I am talking about? I have a feeling you do! Just bare with me as I pour this out. I have spent alot of time crossing my T's and dotting my I's. As a mother, a wife, a Torah observer. With the idea that this is what one does and who one is. I have ideas you know!! LOL Of what a mother, wife, daughter......you get the point. I mean there was no space for anything else, no space for unique purpose. For the destiny G-d has called me to and my family. No, no space. So let's say for example I am a stay at home mom right and I believe strongly in the power Abba has given a woman there was no space for what if a woman can't stay home for whatever reason. No space. Or as a homeschooler sticking to the old school "real" homeschooling from scratch, no space for when everyone is tired. G-d forbid we use textbooks. There was no space for anyone not even HaShem's plan. How many times we do things or adapt things in the name of Abba. Sometimes I feel so bad because so many people are messed up because of things like this.
Now there is no judgment in this nor for myself or you, we do the best we can with what we know and where we are at. But there is a fire burning inside of you and me and we can't run from it anymore it is becoming costly. We go from one extreme to the other, why can we not be both or all. Why can we not homeschool and yet answer the call to work within the community. Why can't we be entrepreneurial homemakers. For crying out loud the Proverbs 31 woman had servants!! Oh my, did you catch that? She had others doing her "job" and she was virtuous!!! There seems to be no space for the unique plan Abba has for you or your family. We are too interested in cookie cutter communities, forget if a woman doesn't want to bake her bread!!! I know you see what I am saying!
It is not your imagination G-d has put a fire in your belly for a purpose a unique vision and mission that is needed in this world.
Allow G-d to define your journey allow him to lead you. Stop thinking it needs to fit one picture or another. When Abraham was called out he was not given all the details. He had to follow an internal gps. What would you do if Abba called you to step out to something different? Many of us would say oh yes! Except if it was something different than what your doing now or expect, you would think about it twice or a hundred times.
I am going to go out on a limb here because we need to say it. What would happen if for whatever reason I would have to put my kids in public school? Well you can't see my face, the eyebrows lifting like, yeah right! But that yeah right has no space!!! We are blessed and fortunate to be able to do what we do. But let's not box things anymore. Let's allow Abba to take us where he will for whatever reason. It seems we only want to be unique in the ideal ways we think. See I am unique, in my family I am the only one who homeschools, is Torah observant, makes homemade bread etc, etc. I am realizing it takes a great boldness to follow him. It does require that you lay it down! Even the pretty stuff!!!
So I ask what seeds has Abba placed in you that have been stirred? Is this a season for workbooks because there are some things you need to do? Is this a season when you re-evaluate your goals to make space for that thing that is burning inside you? Is it time you began to work on it?
I am a teacher and I love teaching the things I am passionate about, you would say "But you do teach". Yes I teach my children first but does that mean that is all? I thought this for a long time but I have encountered many opportunities to teach outside my home. And I have answered, I am open to whatever it is G-d wants. I surrender to him. Not in that oh I am so spiritual I am your cup lord, although this is true, the cup part. But more like the how arrogant and selfish of me to hide my light under a table way.
Open wide and allow him to take you on the ride of your life, allow his plan for your family to flourish and give everyone space to flourish in his garden. Stop hogging it with your view and what you think because your backing it up by scriptures that support your theory. Grace and Space. Can G-d take you where he will?
Will you allow the seed to grow? I want to, there are things stored up inside my spirit, it is like a forest set ablaze.
How are YOU? What box have you set your safety in? Why have you sold your inheritance for a sense of identity? (What I mean by this, is that it feels good to belong to a group. It feels good to be describe as this or that. But the danger lies in that it could be a definable box that feels safe and allows you to hide. It is like the idea of loving those who love you, but what about those who hate you? We get so comfortable when we make our surroundings how we want. What of not having it your way? Scary isn't it?)
(Now I must also say this just in case; I am not talking about HaShem's Torah, neither am I vouching for a interpret it however you see fit because your called to be different. These are entirely different subjects.)
What I am speaking about is the space of the unique work of each person and family on this earth. And the space to fufill our unique purposes. You are not only a mother and wife you are also a woman and a human being. SURPRISE!!! The same goes for your husband and your children. We are not robots we are individuals with personalities and passions. While I have a family vision I also have a personal one. I am free to be all that he has called me to be and so are YOU. Don't feel pinned down or restricted to a title but BE all that Abba has made you and is drawing out of your inward being.
So I say take courage and follow him, take courage and conquer the land he has called you to step out and posses. May HaShem illuminate our path, may he grant us boldness.