Saturday, March 13, 2010
I've been thinking....
For the past couple of days my thoughts have been on this art journey. Things continue to change form right before my eyes as I have gone from one thing to another. I started with jewelry and from there I encountered visual art journeling. The Artist Way by Julia Cameron has been the mentor that walked me through my first couple of months. There wasn't a time in which when I opened her book to week whatever, that I wasn't awed by the fact she was describing me. But as I have continued from one thing to the next I am at a place right now where I want to have my energy focused. The road I am on right now is writing and perhaps I can say that this is something I have done all my life. Yet like many things the thought of doing it "officially" terrified me with thoughts of inadequacy. I am the type that researches, learns, researches etc. I like to do things "right"... And right meant never doing it because I never had the know how or schooling and etc.
A week ago I was talking with a friend who is an artist as we talked something she said struck me deeply. At some point in the beginning of her journey she wanted to write because she thought she couldn't paint. When the words left her mouth my mind ran. I wondered whether or not I paint and such because I think I can't write. This began my wondering. I enjoy mix-media art, collaging, jewelry making and visual art journaling. I do, they felt to me like freedom, the freedom to be eclectic. In them I found my voice again. It has been priceless for me. I thank Abba for cracking me open through these expressions. I found old loves, like writing poetry and my journaling has taken flight. I would have never imagined being where I am at today.
But this weekend my thought continued on the idea of focused energy and harnessing the one I have to these things I love doing. I don't have it figured out or understand exactly what this thing is that is calling me and beckoning me to stream line. But for once I am not going to argue or dissect it to death I am going to be gentle and follow. Maybe I have painted because I thought I couldn't write but that isn't the case anymore. I am not afraid. And neither will I box myself into anyone thing i.e. you can't do this because you do that. I am going to embrace what is anxious to be poured out whether it be writing or art or jewelry I am open. And I am going to make space for it.
Sometimes fear can get the best of us and equally sometimes you are looking all over for what has been right before your eyes. I have done this repeatedly. I have looked for my thing, dabbled in this or that. But all along many things have been right in front of me, like my writing and poetry. These are loves that date back to my youth, there power mesmerizing. Is it possible that what I feel is a shifting? It feels like a whirlwind taking me to another place. And for this I want invest the energy, for my loves of poetry and writing I want to give it my time. But I can't help that feeling like I have too many hands in the pot. It sounds better in spanish! LOL
I am a big believer in seasons and so I will embrace them as they come. I am sitting here staring at the blinking line, waiting for me to write something else. I don't know what else to say and I don't have any brilliant conclusion to this long ramble. I do find comfort in the fact that spring is coming and yet another time will set in with a bounty of choices to choose from. I want to be ready..........to finish somethings and see a finished product.
Do I make any sense??